It's not that we're looking over your sohulder, it's that we've all done the same things so we're just reliving our own experiences. 
The important thing here is set your monitors (whether headphones or near fields) to a given volume and LEAVE THEM THERE and also never move the master fader off 0 dB. Your listening volume should be moderate. If you're setting your tinitis off, back off on the monitors a bit. Get your mix sounding good at that volume. Then from time to time, push the volume up to a normal listening level (studio guys say 85 dB at your chair is the best target) and check frequency balance, since our ears respond differently at different levels. If it's off, turn your volume control back down where it was and make adjustments, whether that's adjusting the level of various faders or digging into the EQ on a specific instrument. So mix loud (that is, set your gain structure so that you drive the PPM meter on the master fader up to pretty near the yellow), listen soft, and check louder from time to time.
To what Voelund said, another good recommendation is to switch between different sorts of monitors from time to time to force your ears to un-adjust. I mix with headphones (my environment is kinda like yours in that I can't mix at proper levels without risking eviction) but I have two different pairs I use that have different response. Thing is, I know what those differences are and use them to examine in more particular detail different parts of the spectrum. One does 500hz and up to near 20 kHz very well and the other does 12kHz down to 80 Hz really well. Then I will route through my PC speakers just as, "Okay, here's how everyone else will hear it so let's make sure it ain't total crap." Again, I have a fair idea of what the response curve of these speakers are as well so I know when I'm being lied to as well...
Studio and live are different animals needing different handling techniques but the adaptation isn't all that difficult, as I observe, if you just know the different requirements of each.
I'm glad to hear that you're getting a lot out of the comments posted and I hope none of us have led you off in the wrong direction. We're all still learning, afterall. (Are you ever NOT learning? Is that almost a contradiction in terms?)
The important thing here is set your monitors (whether headphones or near fields) to a given volume and LEAVE THEM THERE and also never move the master fader off 0 dB. Your listening volume should be moderate. If you're setting your tinitis off, back off on the monitors a bit. Get your mix sounding good at that volume. Then from time to time, push the volume up to a normal listening level (studio guys say 85 dB at your chair is the best target) and check frequency balance, since our ears respond differently at different levels. If it's off, turn your volume control back down where it was and make adjustments, whether that's adjusting the level of various faders or digging into the EQ on a specific instrument. So mix loud (that is, set your gain structure so that you drive the PPM meter on the master fader up to pretty near the yellow), listen soft, and check louder from time to time.
To what Voelund said, another good recommendation is to switch between different sorts of monitors from time to time to force your ears to un-adjust. I mix with headphones (my environment is kinda like yours in that I can't mix at proper levels without risking eviction) but I have two different pairs I use that have different response. Thing is, I know what those differences are and use them to examine in more particular detail different parts of the spectrum. One does 500hz and up to near 20 kHz very well and the other does 12kHz down to 80 Hz really well. Then I will route through my PC speakers just as, "Okay, here's how everyone else will hear it so let's make sure it ain't total crap." Again, I have a fair idea of what the response curve of these speakers are as well so I know when I'm being lied to as well...
Studio and live are different animals needing different handling techniques but the adaptation isn't all that difficult, as I observe, if you just know the different requirements of each.
I'm glad to hear that you're getting a lot out of the comments posted and I hope none of us have led you off in the wrong direction. We're all still learning, afterall. (Are you ever NOT learning? Is that almost a contradiction in terms?)
Old West Audio