Not bad for a first attempt.
I miss the low-end a bit in your mix during the verses though. Then during the chorus, it gets muddy.
I wonder if you could high pass the guitars a bit more to clear the clutter down there that could leave room for the bass?
I also feel vocal level is rather inconsistent, for example, it jumps at 2:33 then disappear a little further.
I also think that there's a lack of cohesion/glue overall, perhaps sending a little bit of all the instruments to a room verb, and using some bus compression could help with that.
Keep it up!
"Music, in performance, is a type of sculpture. The air in the performance is sculpted into something." - Frank Zappa
The level of the vocals is one of my great issues. I tried using Waves Vocal Rider but I can't sort out a regulation that avoid a sense of cheap trick.
I'll work on the other points wich all makes sense; I'll post the new mix as soon as I can.