This is also a bit bass heavy mix. Guitars are a little low.
Is there some fx in hh or oh tracks or are those pumping that much?
I like the mix of the first part with the lead vocal but that second part is somehow bad. It isn't as "open" and "atmospheric" as the first part but I can't pin point why.
Practice your analytic listening skills.
Listen others mixes and give feedback.
Become a better mixer.