Hi! For first mix you have done a very good job!.
Some things I think you can make better:
1)Your kick sounds like hitting the master buss compressor too much
2)The snare is overcompressed and seems a little lifeless. Try much less compression (2:1) maybe and raise your fader higher plus a parallel compression.
3)The overheads and or the room mic is very harsh. I believe again is because of the compression or the eq maybe. Take a look there.
4)Exactly the same with the vocals. They seem to lack presence. You need to focus more on the medium frequencies around 1KHz.
That's all I hope that this will help you!