Actually its a pretty good effort. There are some things I didn't like which are more a matter of taste such as the cymbals (OH) and bass sound (however I think it blended in with the rest a lot nicer than mine - check it out if you like). I think the only thing that makes it a bit tiring on the ears is the balance. The lead vocals are IMO too prominent and a bit dry, and (probably due to the vocals) the piano and stings are a bit too soft. Make a few changes as far as balancing goes and it will become great!!!
The changes you made are really subtle but change a lot! It was definitely better, but I somehow don't like the voice at the part around 2:02. But I really think the singer wasn't the best for that part (that was also the part I'm not happy with in my mix). I think he presses his voice too much...I don't believe that can be changed in mixing.